Reclaiming Your Sexuality after Being a Jehovah's Witness: Lisa McCardle’s Journey of Heartache, Loss, & Rebirth

 

Dr. Willow Brown: I am Willow Brown, your sexpert in Taoist sexuality. 

Leah Piper: And I am Leah Piper, your expert in Tantra.

 

[00:00:07] Introducing, Lisa McCardle

 

Dr. Willow Brown: And today we have a really amazing and special guest for you, Lisa McCardle. She's an author. She's an award-winning speaker, a transformational life coach, a spiritual teacher, and a light council channel, and a very dear friend of mine as well.

And the way that Lisa channels the The codes from Galactic and Celestial Heavenly Essences is pretty profound. It's really special to watch and to see and to witness. So we didn't actually get into that during the episode, but for those of you who choose to work with her you'll get a little taste of that.

Dr. Willow Brown: So she's a powerhouse. 

Leah Piper: That's right everybody. So tune in, turn on, and fall in love with Lisa. 

Announcer: Welcome to the Sex Reimagined Podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show. 

Dr. Willow Brown: All right, today we are jumping in with Lisa McCardle, a dear sister, sweet soul friend of mine. I'm so excited to be here with you, Lisa, and with you Leah.

I know you girls are gonna love each other. We're gonna have so much fun talking about this sacred feminine today, which is one of my favorite topics in the world, and I know both of you too. So, Lisa, welcome and we're so excited that you're here with us. 

Lisa McCardle: Thank you so much. It's such an honor to be here, and especially to be talking about one of my favorite subjects.

Thanks for having me.

 

[00:01:36] Lisa's Rebirth into the Divine Feminine

 

Leah Piper: Well, Lisa, I would love to hear what your journey's been with the divine feminine and how that, whole thing appeared to you and your genesis story, so to speak. 

Lisa McCardle: Well, It's quite a story. And the beauty of it is that Willow was a part of my story of my genesis, my rebirth, my reawakening.

It's been a lifetime journey really in so many ways to come into this remembrance I think. And I feel like my mission on the planet, especially now having gone through like a death rebirth cycle over the last year is to really stand in that remembrance for myself and also to inspire the feminine in and around me to come into this great remembrance.

So the genesis story in a nutshell, because it's a long one, is that I started writing a book in spring of 2021, which I just finished two days ago. Can we celebrate that 

Leah Piper: Celebration. 

Dr. Willow Brown: So awesome. When you finish a book is huge accomplishment. 

Lisa McCardle: It's so huge, and the journey of writing it also, it started writing me as we hear.

And so the book is about ascension and it's about awakening and the steps to really coming into higher consciousness as human beings and as the feminine and in the middle, I got to this destruction phase that I perceived to be one of the necessary phases for awakening. And my whole life started deconstructing like every single aspect of my life, just to put it into a little thumbnail house.

That was my dream home was selling. Had to move. Decided to end my 15 year relationship with my partner. Son going off to college, business reconstruction. Everything was in this turning point and had to make really big decisions and had to trust spirit really deeply as the unfurling of my life began and seven weeks after we consciously uncoupled, my partner actually died unexpectedly.

So not just letting go, but like letting go. And so I was initiated. Go, go. Like gone. Yeah. So I was initiated into death, which I had never in 52 years really experienced. So part of my genesis was death and despair and grief. And when she comes to take you, I say in my book like she is ruthless, she'll come and take you in the middle of the night and she doesn't care if you're ready.

But, so I went on the journey of being under the foot of the dragon of grief and about, I don't know, four or five months through that one day, Willow, who's been a good friend for a long time, dear sister of mine had actually wanted to do a trade and wanted to utilize some of my services. And I was like, well, this is really interesting timing because I feel like there's some part of me

That is coming to life, like resurrecting rebirthing. And it was showing itself from a sexual perspective, like I was coming to life and I was like, well, I could utilize your services too, because, this is a woman who had been through menopause, 15 year relationship where the intimacy had quieted and gone to sleep.

And in that, I went to sleep. Like I went to rest in the deep cave and just felt as if I was I remember saying, I'm so glad I had all that sexual energy and juice when I was younger because it's done now, out to pasture. I hear a lot of women say. So I was in a rebirth, resurrection phase, and in the walks Dr.

Willow saying, Hey, should we talk about sex magic? And I was like, what's sex magic? And so that's kind of where it was. And what started the genesis of awakening. 

Leah Piper: So can you tell us a little bit about your work? Like how do you work with people assuming that it's a service that you do a sort of a service type based model?

Lisa McCardle: Yeah. Thank you for that, for the ask. Well, my business, my work is changing a lot. I have been a healer and intuitive clairvoyant, a sighted one all of my life that began when I was three and Wow. Yeah. I was seeing ghosts in my house when I was three. I was also raised very religious and so all of that was shut down or I shut it down when I was four basically.

And 26 is a massage therapist having my hands on a gentleman that at the post ranch actually, where I was doing a massage at the time in Big Sur. Yeah. All of a sudden all the vision started coming back and I started seeing everything and it was overwhelming and it was terrifying. So like through touch and through my hands, my sight came back and I was 25, 26.

So, it's been this journey of reawakening on so many levels my whole life. And so how I serve and how I've served over the last 27 years is as an intuitive, is as a psychic medium clairvoyant. My mission is to wake that up in each individual. I don't subscribe to the, let me tell you your future.

I subscribe to let me remember you, to your own intuition, clairvoyance, clear sight, and to you as the creator, because I believe we create all of this with our intentions. So my job really is to put people back in front of themselves and to remind them how powerful they are and to use my sight to show them what they can't see so they can remember for themselves and become fully embodied in the truth of their own purpose on the planet.

Just a little mission, just a tiny mission. Just little work, you know, 

Leah Piper: Just a little giant mission. Yeah. 

Dr. Willow Brown: And I'll add that Lisa is incredible at her work. She is such a, when we were working together, she was so, powerfully and sort of magically just awakening within me, this deeper sense of knowing and intuition.

I already had that to a good degree, but it got much deeper and I could feel it inside of myself. So much deeper sense of trust. And she does this, she speaks light language. Maybe she'll do that a little bit for us today as she channels. She's just really sure. A prophetic and powerful woman.

And so I'm curious, so this sexual awakening that you've been going through since since you and I started linking up and working together, I'm just so curious how it has shifted your relationship to what you're doing with your channeling and what you're doing with remembering people to their own higher consciousness?

 

[00:08:56] Journey to Sexual Awakening

 

Lisa McCardle: Such a great question. Well, as I said, I was in the process of really going through the dark night of the soul. So I was letting go of knowing that it was time to let go of my, not my business, how I've been doing business for the last 27 years, that I could feel there was a pivot in it. And so part of how this practice has really been pivoting and shifting everything, I call it a resurrection.

You know, a part of me died and when I was in Maui before my ex partner had passed away. Spirit said to me you'll die a thousand deaths to be reborn 1,001 times. And I had no idea. I thought that was like lifetimes and yeah, been a soul on this planet a lot. Like Spirit was like this year you're gonna die a thousand deaths and be reborn 1,001 times.

So part of how the practice has been part of that resurrection, that rebirth is that it's connecting me so deeply in with Mama Gaia that the practice becomes like, I mean, can you feel it? It's deeply emotional. It's become a practice of holy communion with Mama Gaia. So I feel that when I'm in the practice, the messages that come the truth of my purpose being revealed in so many ways, I'm having these like ancient memories from the temple arts of when I was there in Lifetimes past.

Also, it becomes a conduit of direct communion where Mama Gaia has been telling me what it is that she needs me to do and how she needs me to help the women remember, because our wombs and her womb must be one to raise the new earth, is what she's telling me. And so how it has pivoted is it's like I feel like it's lining me up in the purpose.

I've always been on purpose. I've been blessed to be on purpose in this life as my true callings, but it is reshaping. It's redefining and it's, it's pivoting into a next level of higher service. And I truly believe that the gift of being that conscious and that intentional and that surrendered is allowing spirit and Gaia and the messages to come through.

It's such a profound level that I'm being repositioned on my truest pathway of service here on the planet in this lifetime. 

Leah Piper: And for those in our audience who may not be familiar with Mother Gaia, can you give us a little background on who she is? 

Yeah. How you work with her. 

Lisa McCardle: Gaia is the earth. It is the earth herself.

It is this beautiful conduit that had summoned us all here as souls, I believe. I also believe that every soul that's on planet Earth, mama Gaia holds through meditation over the last 10 plus years. Part of my practice has been to go down into the earth to then expand up, and I do channel galactic beings, but the source has always been to come into the center of the earth and then rise up.

And so Gaia is earth, and I believe that we hold, a crystal or a frequency inside of what I call the womb of Gaia, which is like the heart of Gaia, the center of Gaia. It matches our wombs as women and as the masculine womb is an energy, not just a structure. And I really do believe that,that siege that we all hold, that she holds in resonance to bring us here to earth plane, especially right now.

Because she's going through a lot. We're going through a rebirth. We're going through a remembrance and a resurrection as humanity, and we're helping the Earth Gaia to raise her frequency so that all of humanity can raise that too. 

Dr. Willow Brown: Yeah, I think there's a really, a little task, again, lots of little tasks.

Yeah. I think there's a really important relationship that many of us human beings on the planet are missing with our relationship to our own bodies and our, especially, specifically our sexuality and how that brings us closer into relationship with the Earth. And when we have that more divine union between our bodies as earthlings, we're not just part of the earth.

We are the earth, right? Just like a tree or a river. We have these same, all the same, pathways that the earth has, we have in our body according to Chinese medicines. So, we've got these streams and mountains and rivers and valleys. All these different acupuncture points represent those pieces on our body.

And so when we start to awaken our sexuality we really start to awaken our physicality our bodies in a way that we start to then have a different relationship to nature, a different relationship to the earth, all around us than thereby causing more respect. And you know, maybe we start to make different choices around what we purchase.

Maybe we don't buy those big plastic bins of lettuce and maybe we don't buy those the store that are wasteful and not supportive to the earth. So I think that there's a huge correlation there. And the more people that awaken to that, I think the better.

We oftentimes the consciousness is oh, you know, one little, one little thing isn't going to make a difference, but that's the consciousness that's taking our planet down. So, not to go too often to ecosystem stuff, but I think there's a big connection. And the more that we

get in alignment with the earth, the more we are also getting in alignment with our own bodies. 

Lisa McCardle: Yeah, I love that. 

Leah Piper: Yeah, I totally agree. I would love to hear, just to put into perspective give, the audience like a visual of, maybe you could tell us a story about a client or a student that you've worked with and their transformation.

I'm really curious, like what's the pain that people are holding that they come to you to seek a resolution, a transformation answers? Do you have like a before and after story that kinda helps us paint a picture of what it would be like to work with you?

 

[00:15:37] Student Stories

 

Lisa McCardle: Yeah. Thanks. Yeah, there's many, let me pick the juicy one in this now moment.

I would say that when women are attracted to working with me, it's usually because they've come to a point where they've had a fair amount of success in their life, but they've done it from a way that didn't feel really authentic to their being. They did it from the kind of that masculine efforting and that working too hard and forgetting too much about the essence of who they are.

And they usually find me because they're tired and because they know that there is, there's more, and that they know that there's something fundamentally that no matter how much success they have, they're not satisfied. They're not satiated, they're not filled up. Because there's like this, there's this outside generation and then there's an inside connection.

And so women usually come to me because they know there's something missing, but they don't quite know what it is. And a lot of where we end up going is into the great remembrance that we're worthy because we exist, and how to stop generating from the mind and how to really get into the body, into the impulse, into the vibrational experience, into the remembrance.

Like we're coming from that mind egoic kind of masculine expression and moving into the feminine. So I'm just trying to pick which client is gonna give the best indicator. Okay. One of my longtime clients that I've been working with when she first came to me, she came out of a very religious sort of upbringing, a very good girl upbringing, a very, like the feminine has to serve the masculine and she has to work hard and she has to be perfect and she has to do all these things and all this outside kind of projection. And there was this like burning desire to be, to remember who she was without the outside imprinting.

And over the many years that I've been blessed to walk with her, she has come into her full her full channel, her full expression as an intuitive, as a healer. She's now serving thousands of people out in the world. She's an influencer. She's out there doing her things and doing it from a perspective of service of, this is the mission on the planet.

I don't have to be this. I don't have to become something outside of myself so that I can be loved. Like lens shift is I can be, I am love because I exist because I'm powerful af and I'm here for a mission. And so that outward projection, became an inward service. And from that, everything has poured out.

And it's just beautiful to watch. And it's also it's so fascinating when people that walk with you I mean, she's doing big stuff in the world, I'm like, go you ,and It's just really beautiful. It's beautiful to remember somebody to who they are, to the truth of their power, and to the remembrance that we're worthy because we exist and we do not have to prove for it any longer.

 

[00:19:10] Sex, Shame, and the Church

 

Leah Piper: That's right. I love that. That's a great story. Okay, well, so one of the things that you and I may have in common, Lisa, is a religious upbringing and I'm curious, since you also mentioned that your client had a religious upbringing and that you've had a religious upbringing, what kind of religion It may I ask?

And, and how has that influenced you? 

Lisa McCardle: Yeah, it's a really great question. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and so that was the imprint. My parents are both Jehovah's Witnesses. I left the religion when I was 16. 

Leah Piper: How was that? Was it pretty traumatic for you? Was that like a real, it must have been a real defining moment, right.

Lisa McCardle: It was a moment of freedom because I was in proclamation of my freedom from the time I was 14. So it, it felt good to actually have the, to have the experience of the freedom. There was some repercussion because of how the religion is. My mother didn't, sometime after that, I didn't have communication with my mother for almost two years.

In regards to it. So that's part of how the religion works. I do want to say that my parents and I have a really beautiful relationship now in an understanding of just neutrality and knowing that we can love each other without needing to convince or change the other to be anything different than what we are.

But with that being said, it has had, I mean, even to this interview, even to the things I'm doing in the world it has a lot of effect because being a channel, being a sighted one, being in communion, through sex magic and through spirit connection, those things are not really allowed within the confines and the structure of their religious beliefs.

And in a lot of ways, I run the risk all the time that if they know, then they might never speak to me again. So, I had to make a decision a couple of years ago that I was willing to put it in spirit's hands, and whatever was meant to be like, I couldn't shadow the truth of my work and the planet out of fear.

Right, and it still haunts. It still comes up, and I have to make a decision over and over again that I'm going to do what it is that Spirit is guiding me to do in the world, no matter what, because I believe this is the lifetime that we move out of that shame hiding. We've been, we've had a lot of lifetimes where it hasn't ended well for us being the cited ones or being in truth, or being a feminine that stands in the resolve and the remembrance.

We've been persecuted, we've been burned, we've done all those things, and this is a lifetime where we have to create resolve. And that means we have to be brave and fearless and stand in the truth no matter what. Do you relate to that? 

Leah Piper: It takes a lot of courage. Yeah. Yeah. I grew up in a born again Pentecostal church.

The newspapers wrote it up that it was like a cult. And it eventually, it still exists today, although a lot of the people that I grew up with, family started to leave the church out of some, corruption. A lot of the parishioners were almost in poverty and giving 20 to 25% of their income to the church.

And I think it just had a negative ripple effect. But for me growing up, it was pretty joyful as a kid. Nice. Like I got to see the spirit alive in people. And I think that had a really positive imprint. The negative imprint was shame, guilt and fear in relationship to sex.

And the gender roles being so the power dynamic being so askew. Yeah. And I really resented the rules that were different for my brother than they were for me. And so it's interesting to be someone who's had that history. I often attract people who've had some sort of religious trauma that is incongruent with their soul's truth.

Yeah. And so I kind of just had a hunch that we probably had a similar theme regarding that. 

Dr. Willow Brown: I imagine that there are a lot of our listeners who have a similar story. All three of us have come up in these religions. And we all attract people who who are healing from the shadow side of that, because there is a lot of light to these spiritual and religions, the religious groups.

And then wherever there's a lot of light, there's also a lot of shadow. And you know, I think when the guilt and the shame, especially around essential parts of being human, like our physical body, our sexuality is really cast aside into that shadow. It can take a lot of soul searching.

It can take a lot of uncovering the many layers of imprint and guilt and shame and trauma that have been laid upon us by not only our parents, but the community around us and religion and stuff. And it's quite a journey for each and every one of us individually to find the place within us where that connection to spirit and that inner light gets to be alive in the world, gets to shine and that we have a connection that we can share with others that is not riddled with shame and guilt.

It's one of the things Lisa's so great at helping people with.

Lisa McCardle: Thanks, Willow. Yeah. I wanted to just also really bring back that the positive that I love that both of you have spoken to. That, what I learned from being in, the religious fold was a couple of things. I learned that you know, community is really important and when people of like minds come together, like there's a massive support system that they have within it.

It's, beautiful to witness where they like really support each other and, in business and this, and it's, very insular, at least in the religion I came through. They don't work in the world as they call it very often. It's very insular, but it also is a great representation of like community support and, commonality community.

You and I tied together in common interests. It really is the way of the future or the way of the remembrance I believe. But the shadow again, comes in that there's only one way to be good, to be right, and cuts out so much of our expression of what we know to be innate and true in our god's self.

Right. And communion, like we don't have to reach outside of ourselves into anything to be remembered for who we are at soul level. 

Leah Piper: Yeah. I wonder how does your work the whole theme of this podcast is all about like re-imagining sex and re-imagining a world where we can move forward with more sex positivity, more inclusive.

I'm not even gonna bother trying to say that word this morning, but you all get it. I'd like to know like how does sexuality arise in your work or even in your personal life as you've been through this journey? I mean, i'm not sure what the whole what Jehovah Witnesses have to say about sex and sexuality, but I know from a more traditional Christian background, there's a ton of emphasis on virginity and having this one partner and being married for life and I know I had to peel back some of that for myself and I'm kind of curious, so I guess this is a twofold question.

One is, what has been your journey sexually from having liberated yourself from religious construct that wasn't in total alignment with your soul? And then also does that come into your work, you working with a divine feminine. How does sexuality present itself in the work that you do in the world now?

Lisa McCardle: Whew. That's a lot of question there. Okay, so the first phase. You might have to remind me of the second phase after I get to the first, but thanks. The first part of it is yeah, I mean, every formulated religion, I think they all carry similar themes, which are shame. No sex until marriage, no masturbation, like no touching yourself.

That's very shameful, very cut off, very limiting. I just find it so fascinating because I feel like in formulated religion, I'm just gonna be bold and say this, in formulated religion often imprints us, taking us out of our power. I see our sexual expression as our holy communion to ourselves first and to spirit second.

And when we get to be blessed to partner that with another. I really do feel that it is a God-like expression. I think it's really interesting that religion takes that kind of pleasure out in the same way that it took the feminine out and, made her the wrong, made it, go back to Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden and how the feminine became the wrong.

And I've been in a lot of practices with the Magdalene remembrance and some of the ancient temple things and just, the story of creation and the story of the feminine, the masculine that we've been told from religious perspectives is, in my opinion, in my heart and my remembrance, very miscued.

And so I know because I know and because I trust and because I watch a lot around me, that many of us who are here to bring a remembrance of something higher and sacred went through the imprint of that denial and that religious imprinting and through kind of we've had a lot of sexual abuse, I would say.

And a lot of shame, a lot of trauma, a lot of outside influences pushing us down. I have chills as I say this because what Spirit is really saying in this moment through me is that oppression, like we had to feel it. We had to know it. We had to experience it because it is the density of third dimensionality and it's what has kept us from our truest expression.

We all three here, and I'm sure your listeners as well have felt that because we had to feel it so we could break it. So we could break the code open to come back. So the imprint for me was a lot of shame, a lot of bad, I remember saying a lot as a, even into my early twenties is that bad?

I would always say is that bad? Is that bad? Like about everything? And it was like always this imprint of being the bad girl and not doing it right. And it's like just, it hurts. It hurts the soul. Yeah. It really hurts. Right? It hurts us. So that was the imprint. Can you ask the rest of the question again? 

Leah Piper: Yeah. But I would just like to comment a little bit on that because one of the things that just was brought to mind as you were sharing what you were sharing is when we have sexuality so repressed and it's been given a color of shame, of dirtiness, of not to be trusted, of danger, right?

So then we end up like suppressing and when we suppress something, we create secrets. It's it's almost like this suppression ends up creating the dysfunction. And I think that there's a correlation between that and sexual abuse that can happen through various religious constructs. In fact, I saw special on Jehovah Witnesses in particular with just how secret some of the sexual abuse that's happening in that community and how hard it is to get help within the church.

And oftentimes it's the child or the victim who is being accused of seducing said perpetrator. And that is not, Isolated to Jehovah Witnesses that is seen over and over and over again in various cultures and religions. And I really believe that the root of that is the denial of our sexual truth, our sexual expression, our sexual sovereignty, and the lack of sexual positivity that we are these beings that came with incredible nerve endings.

And my philosophy is that's been, that was a gift from God to his, her children. In the spirit of life is really hard. Here, we're gonna build in some pleasure to give you relief. Yes. And to renew the soul that gets weary. Amen. Amen. Chuck. Hallelujah. I think we've got it wrong. In fact my teaching partner often says, this thing I think is so true.

He goes, God created sex and men and women have been fucking it up. There you go. 

Lisa McCardle: Well, and it's this tool. And so it's always with you. It's everywhere you go. Right? You have this one magnificent, powerful tool literally at your hands, right? You have the power. I think I remember the second piece of this though, but it's how it lassoed. I think there's a boomerang effect of that repression. That I became very sexually active, very young and boomeranged that into being unconscious around my sexuality in some ways, and empowered in it and disempowered in it. And, it wasn't just abuse from others, it was me abusing my own sexuality in times and my own power within it over myself and over others.

It creates this very distorting lens that could be healthier, could definitely be healthier and use for greater greater good. 

Dr. Willow Brown: Yeah. I think that's really common. Where anyone, women and men who have grown up in a super suppressed culture around sexuality, they kind of act out, right in their early years, in their late teens, early twenties.

They start to go a little like, where's the other side of the pendulum? I grew up and this is what was okay, but let me figure out like what's the other side of the spectrum. And then it's a journey to find center, right for each and every one to find like, what's the middle way for me in relationship to my sexuality.

And I work with a lot of women in their twenties and thirties and you know, they're still in that swing. They're still trying to feel out like what is okay? Is this okay? Is that bad? Just figuring out what's me and what's not me? What was just put upon me by influence, outside influence and what's my true actual belief?

I think that's one of the most valuable things that all three of us actually bring to the people who come to work with us, is helping them find what's actually authentically true for them because that's invaluable. And from that place, that's where you want to explore your sexuality from, because when you're in your authentic truth, then you're not playing a show, you're not like trying to perform sexually for somebody else. You're not trying to make them all in their pleasure. You're actually much more tuned into what actually feels good to you? What actually feels right in your pleasure? And some of the older women that I've worked with very spiritually, they've done a lot of work on themselves, very spiritually connected, very aligned, very conscious.

But this final piece of sexuality hasn't been uprooted, right? The old stuff, the shame and the guilt hasn't been uprooted. And when they start to pull it up and look at it, it's like a whole nother level of their healing. All that other work that they've done to get to where they are at. Takes on exponential growth in their lives.

So it's really beautiful to bring this piece of wholeness, of becoming a whole human being to the table at really any age. The women I've worked with, I know this is true for both of you too, the women who are, in their power years, like through menopause or even I've worked with some women in their seventies and eighties.

They, often will be like, God, I wish I had learned this in my twenties. And the women in their twenties always say, God, thank God I'm learning this right now. And it's just stuff that we never were educated on. We were never taught about the importance of sexual energy and the importance of our bodies as a temple.

And to really listen authentically and deeply to what feels good for you and your body, rather than what do you think should feel good or what somebody's told you should feel right for you. 

Leah Piper: Yeah. I was just thinking about my own journey and I think that this isn't isolated to people who've just had, grew up in a repressive sexual religion.

A lot of us just grow up in a repressive sexual culture, right? Yes, indeed. It's true. As our culture is changing and we're starting to be more sexually aware. For me it was like, I thought I was being authentic. I was going through a very promiscuous period. It really wasn't about me performing for someone else.

It was about me wanting to get my rocks off and feeling like it was a liberated, powerful thing to do. And I was sort of, had my middle finger up to the culture going, you don't get to have control over my body. What I didn't realize, like the lie that I was telling myself, which wasn't authentic, was that I didn't need love.

What I needed was sex. And it was a way to buck the system and to tell my parent, my parents to go fuck off. And your values are ridiculous and are, and old fashioned, and I'm not here for that. And so it was this sort of rebellious, I'm in control. I'm a liberated woman, I can have whatever I want.

And then I was just like grasping for sex as a way to feel powerful. And then that ended up being like the great life, the ego, because in that was the unresolved, the reason why I'm going to choose sex and call it power or empowerment is because I really doubt deep down inside that I'm lovable, that I'm worthy of love, that someone would want to love me, so I'll just pretend to have lots of lovers and I don't need anybody.

And it was such a denial of what my heart really wanted was to have yes, I wanted the rapture, yes, I wanted the sexual freedom, but fuck, deep down I wanted somebody to love me, and want to ravish me because of who I was in my heart, not because of what I was promising as something to be titillating and exciting and no strings attached.

And so it wasn't until, so it's like a number of things were happening then, right? A, I didn't know who I was. I was experimenting. I had to figure it out. I had to try on a lot of things in order to know what was authentic. And so, like in that experience, there was a lot of pain, because I did things that

I probably wasn't totally proud of. I had, was blacked out, didn't remember names, tons of alcohol, all these things that had a theme of like, ouch and being very confused by that because I really thought I was living this certain way that should have felt really, really good. But it only felt good sometimes.

And then there were these other deep private moments where, ah, owie. And then that sort of shifted and opened. It was like I had to then confront what's this shame about? Like why is this shame still happening? And that's led me to the work of like really owning the inner slut and allowing myself to be with the sacred slut inside and to be proud of her expression and to allow her the opportunity to be wild and even out of control.

And then once I could, own that, then it was like, okay, now I have to do this work around worth and lovability. And now the sacred slut can really own her sacred mantle. Because it's not about acting out, it's really about sovereignty. And I just I wish for anyone who's in like the confusion of like, who am I as a sexual woman?

Maybe one who wants to be more free than they are, who wishes they could have more wild abandon than they give themselves permission to. Or maybe someone who's so filled with wild abandoned that they're afraid they're hurting themselves. You know that there is a middle ground. It's really not an either or, it's an and it's like finding the core of the and.

Is what brings us home to who we really are. But it's so complex, like there's so many layers to sort out what's truly authentic, what's really incongruency, what really is The I am in all of it.

 

[00:41:05] Rebirthing in Your 50's

 

Lisa McCardle: Hallelujah. I relate so much to what you're saying, and as you're talking, I'm sitting here going, it's the and not the or.

I am this and I am that, and I am this. And when we're really in that authentic truth, we get to be all of it. But I love the pieces that you brought in about that, inner slut and that this great illusion that I definitely had played through and that I witness within myself as I'm healing and evolving of that feeling like I'm empowered by my sexual choices, but also where am I actually being incongruent and not honest with myself about what it is I really desire And using sexuality as a tool as opposed to the expression of, so it's been really fascinating journey of this, like many incarnations of me as a sexual being and kind of goes right back to Genesis and also like, how does this tie into my work, which was

the question I'd remembered. But it was being all of that as a young woman. And I remember people saying to me like, God, you kind of look at sex like a dude does. and I was like, yeah, honoring that. because it meant something. It meant that I could be this and I could be that, but authentically I wasn't really being true to myself all the way through.

And then going through this harness of 15 years in a committed relationship and moving through menopause and really, truly believing like that, I was, it was all done. I shut the doors. I went into the deep cave. Like I'm so glad I had all of that experience and expression when I was young because it's done now, right?

I'm done. I was 50 some years old, so it's all done. And my girlfriend. A really good friend, right? Because only good friend would say this to you. It was like, sweetheart, you're not done. You just haven't been turned on. And I was like, I could be turned on. Like, what? What? And so, when the spark kind of started igniting within me where I was like, wow, I'm starting to feel things, I'm starting to feel like I was coming to life in my own body.

I'm starting to wake up, I'm starting to use my chills and the hardening of my nipples, if you will, is like a truth teller, right? It's like, oh, this is for me, and oh, and I mean, using it in business and using it like, should I go on this trip? Like, how's my body responding?

It becomes the magic of communion with self, with frequency as it's moving through you. And how it's affecting my work right now is the great mystery because my work is pivoting. Like I cannot. I know that spirit brought me through this disillusion and reconstruction, this death portal so I could be reborn, resurrected, and remembered.

And I know that my service in this world is to bring women along with me. And I do believe it has a lot to do with women who, somebody said to me the other day, he said you know, his wife, his ex-wife said she was out to pasture. And I was like, oh, like it hurt my, like, that hurts me deeply.

That we believe as women, especially post-menopausal or long-term relationships or whatever, the conditioning is like dried up, put away out to pasture, right? Like we're cattle or a lame horse. 

Leah Piper: Right, right. 

Lisa McCardle: That hurts. That hurts the system. So I really want to stand that you're not out to pasture, you just haven't been turned on.

And that, that turning back on, the turning of the dial, the turning of the clock, it comes from inside it's not waiting for someone outside to turn you to turn the dial, although that is fun and that is effective, but we have to flip the switch inside first and we have to flip the switch into remembrance and break the great illusion that the feminine gets washed up or put out to pasture.

We're just being and the collective is rebirthing in the remembrance. And I will say at almost 54 years old, the experiences and expressions in my physical body are more profound in some ways than they have ever been. 

Dr. Willow Brown: I love that Lisa, in your experience in this awakening experience that you've been having as of late in your fifties now at what point did it shift from because that's what we worked on a lot. I was like, it's coming from inside of you. You gotta do the breath and the sound and find this sexual energy inside of yourself, which you obviously have. But at what point did it start to shift where the external world started to meet you and you started to meet lovers that could meet you in that new place that you were at with your connection to your sexuality?

Totally new connection. 

Lisa McCardle: Such a great story. Yeah. This journey has been over the last 11 months. We're just coming up on a year. 11 is my number of mastery. And if I'm to be really transparent, like I feel like I've been I'm being shown, I am being the things that come through me, the site that comes through me from going into practice.

From being in a channel and from going into deep meditation, like the information that's coming through is coming through from source itself. I'm being guided. And then I if I read a book or look at something I see, I'm like, oh, this isn't an original thought. This is happening out there, but it's all coming as a straight conduit through me.

And I feel like I've been in an initiation and in a practice these last 11 months, how it plays out. To be honest, it's such a sacred practice within myself that I'm still working on the experience of sharing it with a beloved outside of me and I realize it's so sacred to me that I'm almost like, It's gonna have to be a really sacred being who gets to come into this full practice.

That is my temple work. Now exchanging energy with a lover or with lovers and having that experience is it's an and, and not an or, but I'm still harnessing my own conduit of awakening and in time it will be shared outside of myself at the next level. It is very personal for me right now. It is me and Mama Earth and the universe having a holy communion at this point in time.

And it is sacred and it is holy and it is beautiful. And the sacred divine masculine that gets to walk into the full practice of that is gonna be really fucking lucky when it all lines up. But for now it's a sacred journey for myself. 

Leah Piper: It's funny, I think we like all go through these various stages and I've been studying and teaching sacred sex for 20 years and there's a part of me that's getting a little bored. And so I gotta switch it up and it's like really interesting to go through this season. I've been self pleasuring like crazy. I have masturbated more in the past three months than I have in my entire life. It is so fun. It is so off the chart I'm reading erotica.

And the erotica that I'm reading that I'm most into is the naughty, forbidden sex clubs and being watched and watching and people having like first time raunchy experiences. And I went from like the vampire fantasy sex to now, like the sex club, sex. 

Lisa McCardle: Go Leah.

Leah Piper: Things that I've never been into, I've always kind of been like, Ooh, that's great for other people.

And now I'm like, all right, I'm ready to I want to go through a whole nother awakening stage. A totally different genre of sexual expression. 

The sacred I'll never leave behind. It's too ingrained, it's been too monumentally transformative. It has healed sexual abuse and has opened me to cosmic realms that I would never want to live without.

Yeah. And I never thought after discovering that I would ever go into like this other world that is much more kink related and like sexual-sexual related. From the blueprint standpoint, I've always been like sensual and energetic, very much more ethereal. 

And now it's it's like I'm so curious about these other sides of me that are awakening and I feel so like liberated and expanded by it.

And I never thought that was ever gonna be like totally wanted or necessary. And I just have to be in like celebration by exposing myself now to the two of you and to the audience to go. Fuck. It's still so exciting. Like sexuality is just, it continues to expand if you just keep your heart and your mind open and I don't know, like how to transition now from the books to like what I'm gonna explore in real life and how my husband's gonna feel about that.

But we'll cross those bridges when, when I have to do it. But I just really, applaud the place in your journey that you're on and thank you. Welland just see how big and wide the picture is. 

Lisa McCardle: Yeah. And it's the and not the OR and I appreciate the blueprint, but aren't we in time evolving to being all of the expressions if we're really honoring the complex human beings that we are multi-dimensionally?

We are all of it. Yeah. It just might be whatever the carousel is bringing to the front of the table right now. But it is a full circle and we get to be it all. 

Leah Piper: And that's what's so interesting about the blueprint actually, is if you look deeper into them, we just interviewed Ian Ferguson, one of the creators, and he said people get stuck on what their two highest scores are.

But they're missing the boat. It's really about saying, okay, I know that. Now let's go discover what I don't know, and bring in more mastery into all these realms. 

Dr. Willow Brown: One of the things I think is really valuable about the blueprint is it gives anyone who's starting out on exploring their sexuality a place to really get all the way wet in.

Let's get all the way in that pool. Oh, okay, that's what I am, let me really go deep with that. Like what you did, Leah, 20 years you've been in the sensual, the energetic, and now you're like, hang on, lemme get out of that pool. want to go get in the kink pool. Like the water's much warmer over there.

I'm gonna go check that out. And what's so amazing about each and every person's unique journey with their own sexuality is that it's limitless. Like there is no limit to what is possible and what you can co-create with your own body no matter what's going on with your body. I work with a lot of people who have very severe illnesses and are in a lot of physical pain, and I'm like, well, you need to spend more time with your clitoris young lady, even if she's an older woman, you know?

And then she starts to bring more pleasure into her body through this incredible source of pleasure in her body. And she starts to feel it more throughout her whole body. And, whether it's like petting the head of your clit for the first time in 40 years, or getting all the way into the pool of kink, There is no limit to what's possible with this for every single person, but it does take courage. It does take courage because if you're gonna go get in that kink pool, yeah, you are gonna find some shadows inside of yourself as well. And that's the point. I mean, that's a point. 

Lisa McCardle: Yeah. 

Leah Piper: Well, I think one of what I've noticed is a good indicator for my journey and what I point other people towards is wherever you've got judgment, that's your curriculum.

Wherever there's judgment, let's use curiosity to look at this a little differently. And it doesn't mean that just because something's not for you. That you have to go try it. That doesn't, that's not what I'm saying by curriculum. But whatever you think is not for you, question that and take a look at how you can dissolve the judgment so that you can expand into a more open place and be in a more unconditional place towards others.

At least discover understanding so that you can be a part of this like, collective, we're all in this together. And it might be right for you. It may not be right for me, but tell me more. Because I think for a lot of us, when it comes to sex, we become overcome by a visceral reaction.

Our gut actually has a sensation and it's oftentimes shame that gives us that indicator where we get this ugh, or this gross or this revulsion. And I think that's a thing that can be transmuted and transformed is to go, what if we were free from having that visceral reaction? Just because we have conditioning that tells us that is wrong, bad, scary, gross.

Leah Piper: If we could suspend that instead get really curious. Well, isn't that interesting? I just had that reaction. That, someone else might get off on that. And for some reason I feel icky about it. Huh. That's so interesting. You know, instead of having to reject. 

Lisa McCardle: Oh, I work a lot with With, David Hawkins power versus force chart, if you're familiar with it.

And it talks about the vibrational frequency within the body based on different emotions and at the very, the tightest, most contracted, vibrating at 20. Like, does that not feel good? Is shame, right? So those body responses Yeah. That shame, that holding. Like nothing. We can't breathe there. We're not vital, we're not alive.

We are in contraction and nothing can be created. And then at the very top of the spectrum, and the most open of all planes is enlightenment at vibrating at 700. There's peace at 500, and there's love around , 600. And so when we're in 20 shame, contraction, fear, like there's nowhere to go, nothing's gonna feel right, there's no resonance, there's no resolve, there's no pleasure, that's for sure.

And so we're moving up that scale. Like, can I love, can I come into a place of acceptance of all things, love, unity, peace, and just this openness where we're free of judgment. And the thing that is most important is that in the middle of it all is neutrality, which vibrates around 250 in the body.

So it's not easy to go from this contraction to this, like, whoa, right? That we can stair step up to a place where we're neutral. And so if we're looking at the other sexual blueprints or, it's applicable to everything in our life, but if you're contracted around it, you can't breathe. Can you come into neutrality, which is curiosity and sit in that neutrality long enough to let your vibration kind of open up to get curious.

And then you can begin the evolution up into the full acceptance of love, which when love prevails, there is no judgment and everything becomes an expression of infinite, God, goddess creation. So it's always the journey to check ourselves. Where are we? Judgment, shame, neutral. Are the full expanse of love.

Leah Piper: I love that a neutrality is like perfectly good enough. Perfect. I love a good enough. And it doesn't have to be, you don't have to really go any higher than that if that's also not authentic or true. But to get to the freedom of just neutrality, to me is liberation. To not feel the tightness that to be closed due to the other, vibrations that are lower than that. Because that's just pain. 

Yeah. Neutrality's always the goal. Fuck pain, sweet spot. 

I'll take neutral. 

[00:57:49] Lisa McCardle: Let's all shoot for neutral. And then, the sky's the limit from there. But you got to, it's not realistic to be like, just love yourself. It's like you can't go from this to that. Right? Let's give everyone a really sweet spot in between and fuck pain.

We're here for pleasure and for great expansion. That's our purpose of being humans on the planet right now. So, 

Leah Piper: I love that. I think that's a beautiful note to close on. Yeah. I think we just, it's right there. It's right there. I know that you have a free gift, a meditation for our audience.

You want to say something about that?

 

[00:58:30] Lisa's Free Gift- Beautiful Sovereign You Meditation

 

Lisa McCardle: I do. 

Yeah. I part of what comes through as spirit's gift is transmissions. And a lot of people say that there's something that's sitting in my voice really helps. So there's a code in the voice that comes through, and this transmission is one of my favorites and I wanted to gift it to your audience today.

It's called Beautiful Sovereign You. And it's really an audible, it's a meditation or an activation through. That brings us into this great remembrance of, worth, you're worthy because you exist. You are beautiful because you're an expression of humanity. You are light in human form. And so the journey, it's a 15 minute audio journey that really it's to be used daily if you feel called to it, to really reaffirm, reassure, and reconnect the truth of who you are at soul level.

So we can stop all the fuckery of the head that keeps us out of it. So it's my gift. I'm happy to give it. 

Leah Piper: Aw, thank you. So everybody remember to go to the show notes. That's where you'll find the link and Yeah. And come into that place. Enjoy this gift, this meditation that Lisa is so generously offering you.

Yeah. 

Dr. Willow Brown: Thank you so much, Lisa, for joining us today. It's been such a pleasure. So much fun. Always have fun sitting with you. Love. So signing off and signing out. We'll see you in the next show. Love, love, love.

Lisa McCardle: Love. Lots of love. Bye for now.

 

[00:59:53] Let's Dish on Lisa

 

Announcer: Now our favorite part, the dish.

Leah Piper: Okay. It's dish time. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. 

Dr. Willow Brown: Lisa McCardle is quite a unique and a special woman in the world. She has been through quite a lot. You'll hear in the episode you probably already heard she lost her beloved of 15 years after ending the relationship, so that was interesting journey for her.

Right. 

Leah Piper: I really, and you were there for all of that, right? 

Dr. Willow Brown: Yeah, I was very close with her through all, throughout all of that. And our particular journey has been an interesting one. We met years and years and years ago, and she thought I didn't like her. 

Leah Piper: She told me that story.

Dr. Willow Brown: Oh, she did? 

Leah Piper: We did before we did the interview. Yeah. So my understanding is that the two of you were in, were you in like a group? 

Dr. Willow Brown: Yeah, we were in a program, like a coaching business program. 

Leah Piper: Sage's program, right? Yeah. Yeah. 

And so what happened? 

Dr. Willow Brown: I think it was like, it was the end of the first year and she just came right up to me and she was like, can I talk to you?

I was like, of course. Yeah, let's talk. She's like; I have just always felt like you don't like me. There's some block between us and I just want to clear it. And I was like, oh my God, I have. I just haven't connected with you. It doesn't mean I don't have any thoughts or any emotions about it.

Like it just hasn't, right. Had the connection hasn't happened. I'm like, I like you, let's talk, let's connect, let's like each other. And we were just like this ever since then. So we were really, really close for the second year that we did with that coach. And then years went by and then we reconvened.

It is one of those relationships where it's just, it's right there no matter how much time has passed. Gotta love those relationships and you just feel so connected and in alignment with that person. So I was pleased to have her on the show. 

Leah Piper: I think that takes a lot of courage in a lot of ways. Because how many of us have had that experience where we like somebody, we like who they are, but we're not sure if we're gonna like them cause we don't really get the feeling that they like us. There's a little inner war going on. And most people don't take the time to resolve that. I think that takes a lot of guts to name that. And then look instantaneously you guys both become such good friends. And I'm so glad that she took steps for you to have that connection together.

It just reminds me that I want to be that bold in the future when I'm not sure if I fit in someplace. 

Dr. Willow Brown: Yeah. I really, it's a good example of taking a risk. And to, really be living your life to its fullest. It's risky. I mean, you got to be vulnerable. You gotta put yourself out there, you gotta be honest with yourself and with others in order to open up doors that you didn't even know were there.

So, yeah. It's so powerful when we risk living, because the alternative is just sitting around, not risking and just sitting in fear and not living. 

Leah Piper: And missing out. 

Dr. Willow Brown: Yeah, totally. And a lot of the people who are doing that are under a blanket of depression and feel completely handcuffed and can't get out of it.

And I totally understand. I have been there myself. I fully get it. Lisa's been there. You've been there, Leah. I mean, we've all been there. 

Leah Piper: Totally. 

Dr. Willow Brown: We know what it is and it just, it takes courage and sometimes it takes external support. What do I do? Tell me what to do. You know? So that's what we're here for.

Leah Piper: So, alright. Now, at some point during the episode, and I wanted to ask you the question, but we got sidetracked or I just thought it would find its way back. So here it is, you don't have to answer, but you both of you sort of alluded to having worked together. I don't know if it was you reached out to her or she reached out to you and it was like; Hey, I could really use some of your support.

You want to do a trade? So I really want to know like, Alright. What did you guys trade? What was it that you were seeking from her and how did it help you? 

Dr. Willow Brown: Yeah, I was in Maui and she was she was in California and we both just had this lull going in our life, life ebbs and flows and we were both in an ebb. And we were kind of chatting on the phone anyway and you know, pretty regularly.

And then I don't know who brought it up, I think, I can't remember who brought it up, but one of us was like, Hey, why don't we trade coaching services for now? 

Leah Piper: Cool. 

Dr. Willow Brown: And so we just did every other week for a while. And I think it was her because she was like; I want to get into sexuality, but it's been so turned off in my life for so long.

And I was like; Great, let's do this. And I can't remember if I had anything specific that I was working on other than just transitioning. I've been going through the biggest year of transition of my whole life ever since Maui, and it's still going. It was just more support in the transition for me. And I just love it when she channels, so I just get entertained and connect.

Leah Piper: Yeah, I feel remiss that we didn't have her channel. It would've been fun to see that process, because I think for a lot of us who haven't dabbled in that, we don't know what to expect. We don't know what it's gonna look like. So what does it look like? Spill it, Willow. 

Dr. Willow Brown: Lisa does it so beautifully.

Everyone does it very differently, but it's this eyes closed, little flutters and it's this like, it's this coming down. You can almost see it like coming down the celestial energy. And she's just listening to like nature, like Star Nations, or Galactic Heavens, the Syrian Star Nation. I think she tunes into the Pleiadians a lot.

So these are all star nations that like all of us can tune into if we choose to. And that's one of her like big messages and joy in the world is to help people find their own connection to these guides. And it doesn't have to be these specific guides. It can be; who are your guides.

So a lot of us don't even think about, do I have guides? Am I listening to them? Am I paying attention? Am I tuning in? And I gotta tell you, I've been doing a morning meditation. I when I was in Portugal, I was like, I'm doing 90 days of this meditation and I don't even know how many days it's been, but I'm not gonna stop.

So, because it's changing my life. And every morning I do ovarian breathing. Well, I do the basics. Right. I do the Auric field meditation, then I do ovarian breathing, and then I do connect to the Syrians, the Pleiadians, the Lemurians, and the Hathor. So I've got four Star Nations on my side. 

And it's totally a game changer. It just changes the way the rest of your day goes. And For me, it really shifts my ping pong game of the mind, where it's I like it, I don't like it. It's good, it's bad. It's making me happy, it's making me depressed. Whatever is going on in the miind. The mind is distracted all the time, and that's what the mind does.

And so when we have access to guides and higher powers, it just gives us a little lifeline to come back to. 

Leah Piper: So what I hear you saying is that it's supporting you and not qualifying everything with your thinking. 

Dr. Willow Brown: Say that again? 

Leah Piper: That you're not you're not qualifying bad- good.

Dr. Willow Brown: Right, and that's just been my intention with it, to find equanimity, like where, do I live? Where does my mind, where's the place in my being and in my essence, where I can suspend those judgments of good and bad. 

Leah Piper: Okay. does it tap you into... like the hit that I got when I was hearing you talk about it was like, oh, I bet that would lead me into relaxing into more trust.

Like not needing to worry about uncertainty bingo so much. I was listening to a podcast yesterday and they were referencing a new documentary, God, what's the name of the therapist? I can look it up. But Jonah. You know that actor? Anyways, I can't wait to watch the documentary because it looks really good.

Oh, it's called Stutz and evidently Jonah Hill is the one, it's a documentary and it's his therapist. And Phil Stutz. He's, interesting and one of the things I heard them say was that there are three things that are certain and that is going to be uncertainty.

Dr. Willow Brown: Uncertainty, yeah exactly. 

Leah Piper: You can count on it. There's going to be uncertainty. And I already forgot the other two. But there was something about like, when you can just relax into stop trying to figure it out because this is, this is a part of the human game. Just relax into the uncertainty.

Dr. Willow Brown: Yeah. There's a sweet surrender that is available to all of us. And that's what Lisa's work is. And also because it's a wholeness, it's a wholeness within us. And so what you heard a lot Lisa say, was remembering people to their truth, remembering them to faith, to trust. Because we have been dismembered, we have been pulled apart, we have been rend asunder, right, parts of us.

Like we've all got these like different little people inside of us and these different parts of us, and they're all separate. It's like, oh, there's my sad side and depressed side, and then there's my happy side and I need this in order for this to be forefront. And there's a place where we can go, where it's just the shit show of our minds is not taking over our lives, you know?

Leah Piper: Yeah, yeah. It was fun to meet her and to talk to her. And to I'm always am intrigued by our religious upbringings and how that ends up impacting us as adults, because when you're little kids, you just don't know what you don't know. And then we have these belief systems that are the foundation of our conditioning.

So it was really fun to hear a little bit about her life as a Jehovah Witness. And how she got the hit, like she was connected to this altered reality of consciousness. And being an intuitive, I think she's said she remembered since she was like three or four or five years old that young, and then had to shut it down due to the nature of her religion.

And then taking that, making that bold decision to leave a church before you're even 18, to do that at 16. Did she say it was 16? I can't remember. Yeah. Anyways, it's just it's kind fascinating where we find ourselves and how we feel about ourselves based on some of this early foundational stuff.

And I think it's such a big part of reimagining a new sexuality and a new relationship to pleasure in and of itself is to go, I might have been passed down this narrative, but it's not the one that I have to choose. And as we start to unpack that, I think. Things start to just blossom.

That's the hit I'm really getting like right now with all this eroica that I'm reading, on you guys! 

Dr. Willow Brown: I can't wait to get into it. 

Leah Piper: And Matt and I just had a little afternoon delight and it was the reason why I was like, can we push this appointment back? 

Dr. Willow Brown: Oh, you can always, push it back for that, honey.

Leah Piper: Yeah. I'm like, I've been reading about blow jobs and I think I want to try some new techniques.

Dr. Willow Brown: Blow job workshop time, honey. Matt, drop your pants. 

Leah Piper: Matt, sit down, lay back. 

And anyway, I'm feeling great. What a great day. 

Dr. Willow Brown: Good. Love it. 

Leah Piper: So, it's important that I think as we start to reimagine, and I'm in a place uniquely like you are in.

You're in this out of a long-term relationship into the single world, navigating all non-monogamy and all these other like sexual explorations. And I'm in this boat of going, okay, long-term relationship going on. Matt and I've been together for almost eight years, married six. And it's like time to reinvent some things.

Like you can't just lean into how it used to be. Now you have to keep on recreating something and how to make that fun and not a chore. And we're finding our way back into greater intimacy. And I think... I think it's so interesting to watch myself in this new experience of learning because I felt like we were in a slump for a while.

And I think we were both struggling with our judgments around that, especially as a sexuality teacher. 

Dr. Willow Brown: Totally. Yeah. 

Leah Piper: There feels like an added pressure of like, oh, I have to somehow be this thing because I know so much about it. And then I can allow myself to unplug from that and just be like, all right, I'm just as much of a human being mess as everybody else out there.

Yes. And it's okay to have a pause period. And what I noticed, having a therapist really help us see into this a greater truth was, oh, we've just been really establishing security. Even if this isn't on the table, like even if we aren't as sexually active as we were in the beginning of our courtship, what we were building instead of hot sex was security.

And like knowing that even if for some reason sexuality wasn't something we could lean on as a cornerstone in our relationship, we were going to be okay. 

And I think subconsciously we were rolling with that in our dry spell to go, oh, but I still want to be here. I still feel really safe. I still feel totally in love. I don't need sex to be the measurement that we're okay. And I think my whole life, that has always been a measurement in my relationships is are we having enough sex? Is the sex long enough? Is it frequently enough? Is it quality enough? And if those measurements are off, that means something's broken and the relationship is in danger.

And to be able to fully explore that not being a measurement, not to say it's not a measurement at all, it's a meter. But I don't have to be insecure about it. 

That's exactly the judgment, the belief that you can suspend because like those beliefs, right, make you feel a certain way about your relationship. 

Whereas if you're just like, I'm fine, I'm good. I love my husband. We haven't had the two hour long Tantra sessions we used to have, but hey, we like to cuddle and we'll enjoy each other's company. And we laugh a lot. I mean, and then you're actually authentically in love.

In love, truly in it. I N - capital. 

You're right. It's a great. Circling us back and completing this dish. We don't have to qualify this. This doesn't have to be the measurement of anything that says something's wrong that has to be fixed.

Not that one would want to ignore things. But when you have two different people, I'm not in control of what he's feeling and thinking and worrying about. He's not in control of what I'm thinking and worrying about. So it's like as you're doing this dance and making sure that everyone's okay and feeling secure. And also you don't want to go to sleep. Because one of the things that I think was making us both nervous is, if we don't start getting more active with bow-chicka-wow-wow, then it could just fade away. We don't want that either. So, it's a really interesting edge of playing the game of long-term, monogamous relationship, how to keep things alive and committed and happy and healthy. 

And you can't ignore the sex part, but it felt really reassuring to go, oh, what we were doing is not ignoring, we were securing. 

Dr. Willow Brown: That's a beautiful redirect and a different perspective, a different way of looking at things.

Leah Piper: Yeah. And then what it does is instead of feeling like, oh, we have something to fix. It's now, oh, we have something to open to. Yeah. Because this really wasn't about a door closing, right. It was just about our attention going somewhere else. And now it's like, okay, yeah, so now we can feel light and free and move in another direction that might have even more creative flow to it because we're not worried about whether we're gonna pass or fail something.

Dr. Willow Brown: Yeah. Absolutely. So powerful and such a good message for all of our listeners who are in long-term monogamous relationships. Yeah. Because A, you do have to pay attention to it. It doesn't just happen on its own. So you do want to give it some focus and some mindfulness. Yeah. And then B, like you can change your perspective about whatever's going on in a snap if you choose to.

Leah Piper: Yeah. And one of the things I'm just really appreciating Matt for is just his generosity with assumptions is so refreshing. To not feel like, to not have the burden placed on a partner that goes; you're not satisfying me. You are not showing up. You are the one that's has a problem that needs to be fixed. 

And I think so many couples find themselves in relationships where maybe libidos are mismatched. And so it's like the hurt that someone isn't being met whatever that is, where they feel like they're hungry and they're not being fed. They want to blame the person who they think is not feeding them.

This reminds me of Alison Armstrong just saying, and what if there's a good reason for doing that? Yeah. And to just like to be really generous take some of the threat out of the fear that we place into our worries about things maybe not being to our great satisfaction.

All of that can be transformed. But when we can take the element of blame out, man, so much more is possible. It can be the ability to find light and lightheartedness. And most importantly fun is so much easier to tap into when you don't feel like you have to fix something because someone thinks something's broken. And then you just have all this pressure and stress. 

Dr. Willow Brown: Yeah, it's totally unnecessary. 

Leah Piper: Things start feeling like high risk. It's really, it's totally not a turn on.

Dr. Willow Brown: It's totally not a turn on. It's totally unnecessary. And curiosity is the antidote to all of that. So yeah. Yeah. Dropping back into that beginner's mind of like, okay, what can I do with this? What, how can I play with this? How can I get creative with this? And, and I get it. We both get it can feel like you're underwater and there's no way to have fun or play or get curious sometimes. But, that's what we're here for, to support you in that. 

Leah Piper: Love, love, love. See you on the flip side.

Announcer: Thanks for tuning in. If the hosts seem to know what they were talking about, that's because they do. Leah Piper is a Tantric sex master coach and a positive psychology facilitator. Dr. Willow Brown is both a Chinese and functional medicine doctor and a Taoist sexology teacher. Don't forget your comments, likes, subscribes, and suggestions matter.

Announcer: Let's realize this new world together.